A Modest Proposal: Millennials, Snowflakes and the Future of America

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We get it.  Every “older generation” (e.g. us) is critical of young people.  Remember the song from the 60s musical, Bye-bye Birdie.

 

What’s the matter with kids today

why can’t they be like we were

perfect in every way

oh, WHAT’S the matter with kids to – dayyyyyyy

But despite the misgivings of seniors, people pretty much turn out all right (if you forget the Hippies).  At least they have in the past.

However, enter the Millennials, colloquially defined as those reaching young adulthood in this, the early twenty-first century.  Inexplicably, they are a generation raised apart from the normal experience of human history, as if in some bizarre, misguided science experiment.

Remember how we signed up for after-school programs?  Little league, Brownies or Cub Scouts?  In contrast, the Millennials are craftily enrolled by calculating parents in carefully selected activities designed to give their children just the right experience to make them superior to all others.  While we grabbed a glove and went down to the sandlot to play some ball with our buds, now, hovering soccer moms and “involved” soccer momfathers sign the kids up, drive them, participate in every aspect, argue with coaches and umpires, take everyone out for pizza afterwards, and console the losers.  And everyone is told again and again, “good job!” (barf)  Helicopter mothers endlessly circle over their children’s lives.  No wonder these children cannot function in modern society.

“So what?” you might say.  “I haven’t any skin in the game.  No harm, no foul, just let them be doofuses.”  If so, you’d be missing a key point.

They will be our future leaders!  No way around it.  The normal people are going to die (we hope this doesn’t shock you) and they will be the only folks left.  If you think the generations coming up behind will be more functional, think again.  The Millennials, unlike their parents, seem bent on raising their kids exactly like they were!  It’s part of the disease.

Think about it.  Here are some characteristics of Millennials that would define their performance as our leaders:

texting
Millennials Preparing for Leadership
  • Can’t write or read cursive
  • Types with their thumbs
  • Writes in primitive abbreviations (e.g. you are = ur)
  • Corollary: Can’t spell without SpellCheck, and even then screws it up
  • Believes debt should be forgiven by the government if it was for a good cause or didn’t work out
  • Just fine interrupting a conversation to answer the phone or respond to a text
  • Posts every action and thought on the Internet
  • Corollary: posts photos of an accident rather than helping
  • Thinks the government has infinite money
  • Sees no problem with socialism, and can’t understand why all countries don’t do it
  • Can find no logical connection between market capitalism and our standard of living or success as a nation
  • Believes a job is a right that exists for their personal enjoyment
  • Keeps a small electronic device constantly attached to their hands and frozen in front of their face
  • Are convinced we are dumb
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Reeducation Camp

For the majority who say we should euthanize these young people and start over, we at HardWired News believe that possibly is too harsh (although we’re keeping an open mind).  We should compassionately take a note from Stalin’s playbook, and send them to “reeducation” camps, where they can be straightened out, even if it takes the rest of their lives (heh-heh-heh).  There they would be responsible for their own decisions.  Consequences for actions and inaction would fall upon them without interference.  They would be allowed to formulate their own goals, achieve them or not, and live with the results.  The inmates could reach their own decisions absent liberal dogma or political correctness.

Or are we just dreaming?

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You do realize we’re kidding, right?  Sort of…

Ocasio-Cortez Joke of the Day

Occasionally (or in this case, “Ocasio”-nally, get it?) we post a cartoon that tickles our fancy.  Here is today’s offering:

ocasio joke

Borrowed with appreciation from LinkedIn and DB .

Of course, the photo is of new uber-liberal phenom, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the young, pretty and loquacious newly elected Democrat representative from the Bronx.  An unabashed socialist, she has been something of a disruptor even for  the Democrats.  Beyond her preposterous ideas (e.g. abolish Ice, all energy to be non-fossil by law), she has become known for a failure to grasp widely understood facts and a penchant for blurting things that are…well…stupid.  Here are just a few:

Said “Honduran caravan migrants” are equivalent to “victims of the Holocaust.”  Jewish people might have a different take on that.

“We’re gonna flip this seat red in November,” Ocasio-Cortez said during a rally for a Kansas Democrat.  Red, of course, is used to denote a Republican.  Either she has  flipped parties, or meant “red” as in communist.

“Unemployment is low because people are working 80 hours a week.”  Lest we forget, unemployment is measured by people not working at all, and not by those working extra jobs or hours.  If companies require more people to work overtime as an alternative to hiring more workers, it would raise – not lower – unemployment.

“A 17-year-old can walk into a shop and get (an assault weapon).”  Not so fast, Alexandria, that has long been prohibited by federal law.

When asked by an interviewer to elaborate on her views about the Israel-Palestine issues, after stumbling over her answer at first, she said.“Oh…um…I think I meant…I am not the expert on geopolitics on this issue, I just look at things through a human rights lens and I may not use the right words … Middle Eastern politics is not exactly at my kitchen table every night.”  Welcome to Congress where you are in good company, girl.

When asked by another interviewer how she felt about Nancy Pelosi as a potential House Majority Leader, her answer was, “She is, she is the leader of, of– no no, she, I mean, um, um, Speaker, or rather Leader Pelosi, hopefully, um, you know, we’ll see, she’s uh, she’s the current leader of the party and I think the party absolutely does have its leadership in the House, we our leadership in the Senate as well.”

“I would love to get inaugurated January 3rd [and on] January 4th we’re signing healthcare.”  Only Presidents are inaugurated, Alexandria, Congresswomen are sworn in.  Must have cut civics class that day.

There’s plenty more, but we’d run out of ink.  I think you get the picture, though.

HWN actually likes Miss Ocasio-Cortez and admires her spunk.  Our coverage here is not an attempt to humiliate her, but rather to point out that the political left is most often driven by feelings, rather than facts or rigorous analysis, as exemplified by this Democratic newcomer.

So…we wish Alexandria nothing but the best on her road to recovery from being another mindless far-left icon.

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In this article, we relied upon information provided by The Federalist Papers, LinkedIn, The Washington Free Beacon, The Daily Caller, The Times of Israel, American Thinker

The Wall, the Democrats and the Common Man

John Petersburg Harbor cropped
Bascom – manic phase

Our otherly-abled office boy, John Bascom, recently showed us a letter he wrote to his senator regarding the impasse over the wall.  To our great surprise, it was spot on, validating the adage “even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and again.”  So we thought we’d reproduce it here and see if our readers agree and are motivated to write their own senator or representative.John G

 

Our view is that the opposition is motivated by the prospect of humiliating the president and denying him a key campaign promise to undermine his re-election chances and advance the prospect of a Democrat controlled government in 2020.  It should not go unnoticed that many recently elected Democrats ran on being independent of party politics and pro-border security.  These promises are seen as disingenuous given recent events.  In the meantime, ordinary citizens who want and need effective border control are simply…well…screwed.  If our readers have a similar notion, we encourage them to write their own senators and representative, especially if they are Democrats, to express their opinion on this matter.  The following links have contact information for individual senators and representatives

Link to Your Senator

Link to Your Representative
brokenbordersecurity

To-Do for 2019!

One of our occasional contributors, hapless office-boy John Bascom, has provided his list of 2019 New Year’s Resolutions.  In view of our political climate and how they influenced his resolutions, we thought we’d share them with you here:

2019 New Year’s Resolutions of John Bascom

Resolutions 2019 FINAL REVE 12-20

Happy New Year folks!

Cory Booker Does Some ‘Splaining

We admit it: we’re fascinated by the hypocrisy of the left.  It’s at the same time stomach-turning and riveting, like not being able to avert one’s eyes from a deadly automobile accident that is unfolding.

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Booker Lambasts Kavanaugh

Enter Cory Booker, the uber-liberal Democrat who led the charge against poor, defenseless Bret Kavanaugh.  You remember, Kavanaugh was the Supreme Court nominee (now an Associate Justice, thank the Lord) who was accused of sexual assault over thirty years ago when he was still a high school teen.  The charges were leveled without corroboration, even by the accuser’s best friend who was supposedly a witness but who then denied it (actually, nobody remembered it).  Kavanaugh was confirmed, but not until the left went ballistic, screaming and protesting (still) that an accuser must be believed without evidence of any kind.  Cory “I’m Spartacus” Booker led the merciless onslaught.

 

Now, ironically, Booker himself is being accused of recently sexually assaulting another man in a restroom.

He then put his left hand on my groin, over my jeans, and began to rub…He then used his other hand to grab my left hand with his right and pulled it over to touch him. At the same time, he disengaged from rubbing me and used his left hand to push me to my knees from my shoulder for what was clearly a move to have me perform oral sex on him. At that point, I pulled away quite violently…

…anonymous Booker accuser

Booker guilty
Booker ‘splaining

But the reaction from the left is a little—shall we say—different this time.  The national broadcast media—we all know how they roll—are not pushing the story like they immediately did with Kavanaugh.  Nor are the Dems angrily and self righteously demanding Booker’s removal from office.  No, now that it’s one of them, they are painting it as a smear without merit of any sort.  And if this isn’t paradox enough for you, CNN actually defended him regarding a separate incident of sexual assault perpetrated by Booker when he was fifteen.  Of course, when those excuses were (rightly, in our view) made by Kavanaugh supporters they were vilified.  Now they are righteous when used to defend crazy Cory Booker.

For our part, we give no greater credence at this point to Booker’s uncorroborated bathroom accuser as we did to Kavanaugh’s.  The irony is in the left’s hypocrisy in outrage over the accusations against Kavanaugh, and then defending their own when basically the same type of accusations are leveled.

 

The most amazing thing is, in the face of this continuing hypocrisy and dishonesty on the left, everyone is expecting a blue wave on election day in two weeks.  Go figure!

God save us.

Is it Jeff Flake or Flakey Jeff? Guest Contributor Pat McQueen Sets Us Straight

 

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McQueen

Guest contributor Pat McQueen has some thoughts to share with us regarding the recent Kavanaugh confirmation process and the role of some of the protesters.  Pat is a financial consultant, retired banker and former State of Michigan Banking Commissioner, although he still has lucid moments.  While his thoughts don’t conform to the usual satire we deal in, they still shed light on some of the shenanigans going on in political Washington.  Enjoy.

 

 

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts…

As You Like It…William Shakespeare

We were entertained by several “players” during the confirmation hearings.  Nominee Brett Kavanaugh and his sexual assault accuser Dr. Ford both gave impressive performances. One may find this hard to believe, but my favorite performance was that of Ana Marie Archila, the “entertainer” performing in and around the elevator occupied by Senator Jeff Flake on or about September 28. Ms. Archila’s best line was screaming, “Look at me!”

Listening to CNN and Fox News during the Kavanaugh and Ford performances alternately, both networks provided what I would consider fair reviews for the most part.

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Archila

When Ana Maria Archila gave her performance, however, I was listening to CNN. Archila’s passionate, and sometimes obnoxious, performance was reviewed in detail by CNN. The Archila reviews took a vastly different tone. CNN knew who Kavanaugh and Ford were. They had studied Ford for days and Kavanaugh for months. CNN had no idea who Archila was, yet they gave her an amazing amount of time, great deference and sympathy. My recollection is that CNN characterized Archila’s performance as powerful.

Confirmation Confrontation

CNN fell into a trap. The trap was set by MoveOn.org, the Center for Popular Democracy and Ms. Archila. As it turns out, Ms. Archila is very good at what she does, with an annual salary and bonus in excess of $175,000 per year as co-executive director of the latter organization. The Wall Street Journal, page A19, Monday, October 8 is my source.

Fake News CNNArchila is a paid activist that put on the performance of her life.
It shook Senator Flake and delayed and altered the confirmation process. CNN bought it hook, line and sinker, giving her instant credibility by providing her the stage, lots of time and a glowing reviews. Archila was either “fake news” reported by CNN or CNN was simply hoodwinked; your call.

If CNN had reported that Archila was a lobbyist would it have made a difference? Did CNN have an obligation to conduct any due diligence on Archila? Was CNN’s handling of the confrontation influenced by any biases or predispositions?

If I ran the NRA I would hire Archila. Maybe not; it is highly unlikely that such a riveting performance would be given any credibility by CNN on a pro-Second Amendment topic.

That is the problem.

Finally, if I were in charge of the U.S. Senate, I would not allow paid (or even unpaid) political activists unfettered access to members of the United States Senate during working hours. Flake ended up looking like a fool.

Unfortunately, CNN and its followers will continue to believe “Look at me!”

Ms. Archila, great acting! You should get an Oscar! You are vastly underpaid.

Protester Cry Baby

Confirmation – What Now?

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There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done
Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung
Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play
It’s easy
Nothing you can make that can’t be made
No one you can save that can’t be saved
Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you
All you need is love
There’s nothing you can know that isn’t known
Nothing you can see that isn’t shown
There’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be
It’s easy
All you need is love, all you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you really need
…The Beatles

New Technology Leads to Identification of THE DEVIL

Flip Wilson 2
“The Devil Made Me Do It”

The Devil is well documented in human history.  He (some believe SHE) is mentioned numerous times in The Bible.  The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines him (or is it her?) as “the personal supreme spirit of evil”.  And you remember the television icon of the 60s and 70s, Flip Wilson, who personally testified to The Devil’s interference in his life.  He, of course, would never lie.  There is other irrefutable evidence as well.  Yes, the Devil is REAL and we know who he is.

 

HardWired News has now accessed amazing new technology that allows us to physically identify the actual Devil.  Our scientists have recently perfected a Spiritually Induced Quantum Field Fluctuation Detector (SIQFFD or “sig-fuh-fid” for short).  This innovation scans quantum field disturbances around a person caused by their spiritual self, otherwise invisible to the eye.  Our researches have scanned millions of conventional images with the new technology, and have positively identified the individual who, despite all appearances to the contrary, is actually the Devil.

Kavanaugh - Devil

 

As any observer can see, the Devil is actually Judge Brett Kavanaugh!  If the actual sig-fuh-fid scan is not enough, consider the following shocking facts about dirty-rotten Kavanaugh:

  • Drank beer in high school and college
  • Threw ice at a guy in a bar once
  • Took sides in a quarrel between roommates.
  • Can’t prove he didn’t assault someone at a teen beer party

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, the last one was denied by the Devil, can’t be corroborated by anyone including the people the complaining woman said were there; was flat-out denied under oath by a third party that the complaining woman said was a witness; was made by a democrat ideologue at the very end of a nomination process where Kavanaugh (did we mention he’s Republican?) was about to be recommended for the Supreme Court; wasn’t discovered in seven FBI background checks; and wasn’t brought up years before when he was overwhelmingly confirmed to the most important Federal appellate court in the country.  But, hey, if any one of those charges is true (especially drinking beer – who does that?!), it should be enough to disqualify him from public office and prove he is the Devil.  And we have plenty of other evidence of his evil: we just don’t want to talk about it right now.

Yes, the evidence is clear; Brett Kavanaugh is the Devil.  Now go out and protest or something.

What You Always Wanted to Know About Liberal Headlines – but were afraid to ask

ConfusedAre you like me, confused when national news events become convoluted headlines in the liberal press that bear little relationship to what actually happened?  Well, help is on the way.  HardWired News has performed an exhaustive scientific study of normal and liberal headlines, especially when they involve President Trump.  We’ve constructed this handy translator to help ordinary people navigate from one to the other (thanks to confidant CW for the idea):

Headlines JPG

Well, we think you get the picture.  Hopefully liberal headlines will now be more understandable to normal people with this handy translator.  In the meantime, poo on fake news and Keep America Great

Fake News CNN 4