TRUMP ATTACKS FAT PEOPLE
Calls for Their “Final Elimination”
by Noj Mocsab, Aug. 14, 2017 (NYT/AP)
Speaking to an assembly of supporters in West Virginia over the weekend, Donald Trump disparaged “fat” people, calling them worthless and announcing efforts to identify and eliminate them.
“Fat in government will no longer be tolerated,” he told the gathering of cheering supporters who are self-described “Deplorables.” “It must be identified, weeded out and permanently eliminated. It has been tolerated too long.”
Democrat Senator and Minority Leader Chuck Schumer noted that there have long been civil servants with all body types, including those with a BMI (body mass index) above the medically recommended ideal. “We all know what Trump meant,” commented Schumer. “The persecution and liquidation of heavy-set people in America has long been Donald Trump’s goal. He is starting with federal employees, but the roundups and executions will not stop there.”
Multiple anonymous officials confirm that Trump is a racist, misogynist, and mean to puppies. These sources confirm he is planning to call up the National Guard to ferret out fat people.
White House operatives immediately tried to walk the comments back, insisting he was referring to “fat” in the sense of excess government spending, and not in regards to actual people. “No one’s buying that garbage,” House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said during a press briefing. “I’m just glad I’m skinny.” (Ed. note: technically she’s not skinny)
California Representative Adam Schiff (@goofyadamschiff) said the comments were one more piece of proof that the president colluded with Russia to steal the election.
Trump spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders insisted these reports were “fake news” designed to denigrate and humiliate the president so his administration could not be effective, and the Democrats will have a better chance of political success in the midterm elections. “That would be great,” acknowledged Jake Tapper of CNN, “but this is the kind of hard-hitting, factual reporting people expect from us. These ‘fake’ claims are paranoia.”
(comments should be directed to firstname.lastname@example.org)