HardWired News Takes a Look at the Future
You remember we took a hiatus last October to come up for air. The lunacy of the liberal left made us more than a little apoplectic, so like a whipped puppy we retreated under the bed for a while. And while we won’t resume regular weekly articles, look for the occasional piece that strikes our fancy now and again.
The reason for our return now was an amazing advance in technology that could not be ignored. Through the efforts of renowned scientists laboring as an interactive team around the globe and using the latest advances in quantum computing, artificial intelligence, and nano-engineering, it is now possible to divine how things will be in the future. Fortunately, HardWired News has gained exclusive rights to the technology and has been able to access the front page of The New York Times, the September 17, 2518 edition. Here are a few headlines 500 years from now:

HEADLINES
September 17, 2518
HISTORIC POLITICAL ACCORD REACHED
Republican Party Officially Banned
Imprisoned Repubs to be Paroled – Agreement to Cease Further Executions
LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES CONSOLIDATE UNDER ANTIFA
Peace, Love, Kindness & Harmony to Prevail Under Penalty of Death
NEW LEVELS OF NATIONAL PROSPERITY REACHED
Food Stamps, Welfare, Unemployment, Disability Payments Extend to 97% of Population
NATIONAL DEBT TO BE ERASED IN 27th U.S. BANKRUPTCY
“I can’t believe these suckers keep buying our bonds” – President
WEALTHY COUNTRIES PROMISE AID TO U.S.
Puerto Rico, Mexico, Bangladesh Pledge Food, Medicine
COURT RULES COLLEGES DISCRIMINATE AGAINST THE STUPID
Universities Required to Remove Confusing Calculations from Science Courses
Dems Pledge Fair Education for All
NEW BRIDGES, DAMS COLLAPSING AT RECORD RATE
Designed by Latest Crop of Engineers – Reason a Mystery
CONVICTIONS FOR STEALING WIND SOAR
Worse Since All Fossil Fuels Were Banned
Bootleg Windmill Surge Stumps Officials at Department of Wishful Thinking & Energy Rationing
BUREAU OF SCARY PREDICTIONS SAYS WARMING TO WIPE OUT CIVILIZATION IN 10 YEARS
Fiftieth Consecutive Prediction
Officials Unable to Explain Deniers
SUPREME COURT SAYS ALL LOTTERY TICKET BUYERS TO RECEIVE SAME PAYOUT
Unfair Enrichment of Privileged Few Deemed Unconstitutional
“Drop in Lottery Ticket Sales a Mystery”: Secretary of Fair Economics
NATIONAL NETWORK OF MILLION COMFORT SHELTERS TO BE EXPANDED
Safe Havens for Liberals Traumatized by Opinions Different from Mainstream
School Comfort Counselor Per Student Ratio Reaches 1 for 1
©New York Times, all rights reserved
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And as a bonus, if you’d like to read more satire about a dystopian future under a liberal regime, check out the novel Caine’s Pestilence at Amazon.com. You won’t be disappointed.
You are a political genius and handsome psychic. Thanks
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Thank you, beautiful lady
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How good to see you back. Will refer you to your cousin John C. I’d love to have the two of you in the same room! Every thing you might not think of, he would. You’d love him!
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I hope he has a warped sense of humor like me. Lol. Love to meet him.
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Worse than yours! He’s on his way back to FL from Alaska right now. Too bad he lives so far away.
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