Hillary Clinton has been busy making public appearances ostensibly promoting her new book, What Happened, a list of pathetic excuses for her 2016 election loss to Donald Trump. HardWired News opined that it was simply a money-play (How to Tell Hillary Clinton Loves Money…). But some pundits claim her appearances sound more like political positioning for another run at the White House.
Recall that first she tested the waters unsuccessfully against the ultimate Democrat nominee Al “I invented the Internet” Gore in 2000, and again struck out as her party’s nominee in 2004 when John “Mr. Excitement” Kerry ran against Bush II. Then in 2008 the self-proclaimed heir-apparent-to-greatness lost in a trouncing to unaccomplished newcomer Barack Obama. Most famously, she took a woodshed beating from our current Commander-in-Chief, quirky Donald Trump in her 2016 failed attempt.
But now she is sounding candidate-like again, with posturing on national policy questions and assuming the role of denouncer of our sitting president. So how can we really know if she is preparing for yet another run?
HardWired News has discovered the Top Ten Ways to know if Hilarity is planning another presidential run in 2020. They are…
10 Publicly came out in support of “taking a knee” by NFL players during our National Anthem, another doofus move unpopular with mainstream voters just like her previous campaign positions
9 Wrote a humiliating book, What Happened, trying to convince herself that she now knows how to fix what went wrong
8 Sees that the ineffective Republicans, in control of Congress and the White House, are so hapless in trying to get anything done they couldn’t elect a dogcatcher in 2020
7 Taking “Tweeting” lessons to out-Tweet the Tweeter-in-Chief
6 Recently added twenty new pantsuits to her wardrobe
5 Signed up for charm school
4 Bought a fifty-five gallon drum of industrial strength No-Doze pills so she can stay awake long enough to campaign in the swing states she ignored and lost the last time
3 Mastering social media technology by commissioning Anthony Weiner, former husband of her closest advisor Huma Abedin, to teach her the fine art of Snap Chatting photos
2 Had longtime pal Harvey Weinstein recruit ten thousand Hollywood extras to pack her events and make it look like she is popular in return for undisclosed favors
And the Number One Way to Know Hillary Clinton is Running Again…
1 Had husband Bill Clinton’s mouth and one other undisclosed aperture surgically sewn up so they can’t humiliate her again
Can’t wait to see Hillary where she rightfully belongs (insert your preferred destination here…)