It’s well known that journalists and their cozy industry organizations fall all over themselves giving each other pointless awards. Winning them is a big driver for what and how news is covered. HardWired News has obtained an exclusive preview of the award categories and their standards for the upcoming year.
2018 Journalism Awards
CNN Award for Excellence
best story bashing Trump
CBS “Ceebies” for Outstanding Reporting
best on-air reporter who only covers Trump stories that can be spun negatively
Broadcast Journalists Organization
longest consecutive timeline mentioning nothing favorable about Trump or his administration
Best Fantasy Journalism Awards
for the reporters who publish the best and/or most unsubstantiated and baseless stories about Trump and Russian collusion, because they so desperately want it to be true (1st, 2nd, 3rd…100th prizes)
National Organization for Women: Courage in Feminism Writing Award
best articles bashing Melania and Ivanka Trump or their children, and pretending to be pro-women
Television Late-Night Comedy Patriotism Trophy
most foul names, crude jokes, and offensive skits about POTUS
The Pullitzer Prize for Journalistic Excellence
no standards, just best Trump bashing
The field is large, the competition fierce. I can’t wait to see the gala award shows on TV!
Speaking to an assembly of supporters in West Virginia over the weekend, Donald Trump disparaged “fat” people, calling them worthless and announcing efforts to identify and eliminate them.
“Fat in government will no longer be tolerated,” he told the gathering of cheering supporters who are self-described “Deplorables.” “It must be identified, weeded out and permanently eliminated. It has been tolerated too long.”
Democrat Senator and Minority Leader Chuck Schumer noted that there have long been civil servants with all body types, including those with a BMI (body mass index) above the medically recommended ideal. “We all know what Trump meant,” commented Schumer. “The persecution and liquidation of heavy-set people in America has long been Donald Trump’s goal. He is starting with federal employees, but the roundups and executions will not stop there.”
Multiple anonymous officials confirm that Trump is a racist, misogynist, and mean to puppies. These sources confirm he is planning to call up the National Guard to ferret out fat people.
White House operatives immediately tried to walk the comments back, insisting he wasreferring to “fat” in the sense of excess government spending, and not in regards to actual people. “No one’s buying that garbage,” House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said during a press briefing. “I’m just glad I’m skinny.” (Ed. note: technically she’s not skinny)
California Representative Adam Schiff (@goofyadamschiff) said the comments were one more piece of proof that the president colluded with Russia to steal the election.
Trump spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders insisted these reports were “fake news” designed to denigrate and humiliate the president so his administration could not be effective, and the Democrats will have a better chance of political success in the midterm elections. “That would be great,” acknowledged Jake Tapper of CNN, “but this is the kind of hard-hitting, factual reporting people expect from us. These ‘fake’ claims are paranoia.”
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There was a heated exchange in Washington this morning centered around Donald Trump’s alleged (lol) collusion with Russia to steal last year’s election from the rightful winner (i.e. left leaning) Hillary Clinton.
California Representative Adam Schiff, the ranking Democrat on the House committee investigating Trump, met with reporters to confirm that evidence of Trump’s Russia collusion has reached overwhelming proportions, leading to no doubt of his guilt.
“A single incident may not be telling by itself,” Schiff said to reporters. “But taken as a totality, the evidence leaves no room for doubt.”
Schiff cited the following facts to support his case:
Trump visited Russia once about ten years ago
He starred on The Apprentice (Schiff: “not directly related perhaps, but I hated it”)
He sat near Putin at a G20 state dinner and was seen chatting with him over desert
Some of his relatives or campaign members talked to Russians once
Russia was skulking around the Dems’ campaign and even stole some of their emails, I think
Russia’s DNC hacking was probably Trump’s fault, even though the Dems gave the Ruskys their passwords and hungup on FBI warnings
“But the most damning thing?” Schiff asked reporters rhetorically. “Hillary lost to this Bozo. There’s no other rational explanation but that it was fixed.”
Schiff’s remarks triggered an angry Tweet-storm with President Trump.
In a rare showing of bipartisanship, both sides of the aisle agreed Adam Schiff is goofy looking, although there was no consensus on Trump’s collusion with Russia or Schiff’s mama.
The Schiff revelations triggered the appointment of three new special prosecutors and four additional congressional investigations. We will continue to cover developments in this shocking story.
(Late update: the Ninth Circuit Court has ruled Trump’s Tweets unconstitutional)
Related headline: Dems Demand Independent Investigation of Anonymous Trump J-Walking Allegations
The Centers for Disease Control has confirmed that the contagious disease, liberalitis, is now endemic in certain large American cities, primarily along the northern Atlantic and Pacific coasts but also in a few other major urban centers such as Chicago.
The infectious condition first emerged in the U.S. during the Roosevelt administration in the Depression-era 1930s. Its spread was largely held in check during the Eisenhower, Regan and Bush years, but now appears to be expanding.
Dr. I.M. Gutenschmartz, an epidemiologist and infectious disease specialist from the Universitat ob Innsbruck in Austria, is the world’s foremost authority on the condition. In a recent interview, he explained that the virus-borne disease affects brain cells in a way that interferes with everyday common sense. “These patients are afflicted with delusions,” he explained. “They see and believe things that would be preposterous and obviously false to normal individuals.”
The delusions that result from the condition fall into common patterns. Infected individuals most frequently imagine the following things:
Capitalism is evil, despite historic evidence that it is responsible for America’s prosperity and power
High taxes don’t hurt the economy or the middle class, so long as they are only imposed on businesses and successful people
Large government bureaucracies are efficient and effective
There is no connection between socio-economic systems and freedom
If one feels bad about something or someone, a government agency should be created to deal with it
Corollary: the government’s main job is to give things to people
Paying for things with debt makes them really free, with no cost or consequences to anyone ever
Problematic behaviors such as crime, drugs, illegal immigration, cultural unemployment should be subsidized with welfare payments and social programs, then they will go away
The infection was first noted in Russia early in the twentieth century. More recently, epidemics have occurred in Greece, Cuba and Venezuela. There are disturbing signs it may have also taken hold in parts of the European Union. In the United States, university faculties, aging hippies and “millennials”—those born near the end of the last and beginning of the current centuries—are most susceptible.
“Eventually it runs its course, unfortunately with the collapse of the infected society,” Guttenschmartz said, citing the failure of the former Soviet Union, the social chaos gripping Greece and the dysfunction in Venezuela. “These are classic end-stage scenarios,” he added. “And unfortunately, nations that contracted the disease and eventually recovered are not immune to new outbreaks; we seldom learn from history.”
Senators Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, known to have been ravaged by the outbreak, are cooperating with the medical community by providing tissue samples for study to aid the search for a cure. Republican lawmakers, so far largely unaffected, are proposing legislation to place Sanders and Warren in isolation to protect against infecting others. People who experience the symptoms are advised to proceed left to the nearest emergency room where liberal drivel can be suctioned from the eyes, ears and mouth.
Combination Federal/State Funds For Bayonet Facility
by Noj Mocsab, August 1, 2017 (NYT/AP).
The chancellor of the University of California at Berkeley announced today that a new bayonet training facility will be built on the main campus central quadrangle. The realistic simulation environment will include target “crash” type dummies like those used for testing cars, with images of prominent conservative and especially pro-Trump figures applied to their faces. Students and participating faculty will walk through an enclosed course where the targets pop up randomly. They are then to be bayoneted, upon which the participant will proceed to the next station and stab another conservative dummy.
Recent Berkeley campus visits by conservative speakers or other advocates have been met with mace, beatings, punches and stun grenades. “We will not allow these conservative haters to use our campus as a platform for their repugnant ideas,” said an anonymous student leader of the campus Tolerance & Kindness Movement. “We insist on kindness, tolerance, and love according to our definition, or we’ll beat your head in,” she added.
“The University takes pride in its record of activism in promoting peace, kindness, and tolerance,” said Chancellor Marion Joyless. She described the new bayoneting facility as a moderate first-step approach to training for enlightened activists. “Some thought we should capture actual conservatives in raids on backwater holdout counties such as Colusa or Kern that voted Trump and bring back live targets for use in training,” Joyless said. “While it would admittedly be more fun and draw more participation, I think the use of simulated conservatives, the dummies, is a more realistic start.”
The Trump administration’s efforts to block the use of federal funds for the bayonet training center have been ruled unconstitutional by the Ninth Circuit Court. Work is expected to be completed by the fall term.
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