Top Ten Ways to Know Hillary Clinton is Running for President in 2020

What Happened 2Hillary Clinton has been busy making public appearances ostensibly promoting her new book, What Happened, a list of pathetic excuses for her 2016 election loss to Donald Trump.  HardWired News opined that it was simply a money-play (How to Tell Hillary Clinton Loves Money…).  But some pundits claim her appearances sound more like political positioning for another run at the White House.

Recall that first she tested the waters unsuccessfully against the ultimate Democrat gore.jpgnominee Al “I invented the Internet” Gore in 2000, and again struck out as her party’s nominee in 2004 when John “Mr. Excitement” Kerry ran against Bush II.  Then in 2008 the self-proclaimed heir-apparent-to-greatness lost in a trouncing to unaccomplished newcomer Barack Obama.  Most famously, she took a woodshed beating from our current Commander-in-Chief, quirky Donald Trump in her 2016 failed attempt.

But now she is sounding candidate-like again, with posturing on national policy questions and assuming the role of denouncer of our sitting president.  So how can we really know if she is preparing for yet another run?

HardWired News has discovered the Top Ten Ways to know if Hilarity is planning another presidential run in 2020.  They are…

10  Publicly came out in support of “taking a knee” by NFL players during our National Anthem, another doofus move unpopular with mainstream voters just like her previous campaign positions

 9 Wrote a humiliating book, What Happened, trying to convince herself that she now knows how to fix what went wrong

 8 Sees that the ineffective Republicans, in control of Congress and the White House, are so hapless in trying to get anything done they couldn’t elect a dogcatcher in 2020

 7  Taking “Tweeting” lessons to out-Tweet the Tweeter-in-Chief

 6 Recently added twenty new pantsuits to her wardrobe

 5 Signed up for charm school

 4 Bought a fifty-five gallon drum of industrial strength No-Doze pills so she can stay awake long enough to campaign in the swing states she ignored and lost the last time

 weiner3 Mastering social media technology by commissioning Anthony Weiner, former husband of her closest advisor Huma Abedin, to teach her the fine art of Snap Chatting photos

 2 Had longtime pal Harvey Weinstein recruit ten thousand Hollywood extras to pack her events and make it look like she is popular in return for undisclosed favors

And the Number One Way to Know Hillary Clinton is Running Again

clinto-bill-tight-lipped.jpg

 1 Had husband Bill Clinton’s mouth and one other undisclosed aperture surgically sewn up so they can’t humiliate her again

Can’t wait to see Hillary where she rightfully belongs (insert your preferred destination here…)

Science Mimics Life: Liberals and the Sex-Robots

HardWired News bends over backward (not like you think) to avoid prurient themes.  But we couldn’t resist this one.

Fox News reported that our scientists—backed by generous government grants, no doubt—are working double-time to perfect sex robots.  You heard me: droids (as in “androids,” not the phone) are being developed to look and act like fully functioning sexsex-robot.jpg partners for the truly lonely.  Apparently, they will not only have comely appearances and operational “parts,” but will possess artificial intelligence, computer generated speech and the right actions to mimic passionate moves and emotions of real lovers.  No sense wasting those research dollars on things like vaccines for infectious diseases or cancer cures.  Is this a great country, or what?

sex-robot-mia.jpeg
Carnally Adept Synthetic

Actually, there was an eerily similar theme in the recent AMC cable sci-fi series,  HUM∀NS.  In it, synthetic people fulfilled the every wish (including sexual) of their owners.  As you might expect, it didn’t end well if you don’t like murderous, rebelling robots unleashed on humanity.  But the latest effort reported by Fox is anything but fiction.  Apparently, it is quite real.

Now if you’re like me, you might think no one in their right mind would go for this.  But then you think of the liberals, with their plastic programs that really achieve nothing but make them feel good with artificially induced satisfaction.  Things like passing gun laws that don’t really reduce crime (Chicago), outlawing “hate” crimes (like crimes aren’t really bad unless we label them hateful), banning “offensive” words or phrases (such as “freshman”, “American dream”, “illegal alien”, “radical Islamic terrorist” in California schools), or of course destroying statues of historic characters who had a nasty point of view.  One wonders if they lean back and smoke a cigarette after implementing these things.

Once we understand the sex robots are a metaphor for the liberals, well…it’s all good ISex Robot cartoon guess.  At least it might keep the libs harmlessly occupied and thereby reduce the damage they do to our country.  Maybe they’ll be included as a mandatory benefit under a new ObamaCare on steroids, or should I say Viagra.

After all, what could go wrong?

Harmony Berkeley Style

This one is just too good to pass up.

Fox News reported on a protest at Berkeley, home of the University of California, that went a little…shall we say…awry.

UC Berkley riots 2
Berkeley Version of Peace & Love

Of course, you remember Berkeley.  HardWired News has covered their hypocrisy and bigotry in our article The Ascent of Bigotry.  You know, where uber-liberal faculty and their student minions physically beat, Mace and burn speakers who have a different political view than theirs, all in the name of peace, love, tolerance, and diversity.  If people weren’t getting hurt it would be just plain funny.

Anyway, Berkeley has taken things to a new high (or low, depending on your perspective).  During recent left-right dueling protests, an “Empathy Tent” was set up to allow protesters to come in and unwind, bond with the other side, and meditate on the more important things in life.  Peace and love, bro.

Empathy Yvonne Felarca 47
Peace & Love Activist (Assault and Battery)

But—you couldn’t make this stuff up—violence broke out IN the Empathy Tent.  Chilling protesters with opposite views resorted to violence, almost collapsing the tent and resulting in four arrests.  One man was arrested for carrying a deadly weapon.  An extreme-left activist woman, dedicated according to her to peace, acceptance and love, beat the crap out of a right-leaning man.  Unlike the peace-children of an earlier era, these hippies-born-too-late have developed a pretty good left hook.  And looking at these photos of arrested combatants, we think we smell a romance blooming.  Ah….love!

Empathy Eddie Robinson 47
Fellow Combatant & Love Interest

In this day of new thousand-dollar iPhones coming out every few months, apps to hook up adulterers, artificial intelligence and the like, it’s good to see some old standbys that never change.  And that would be the conceited hypocrisy at the venerable University of California at Berkeley.  Go Golden Bears!  Or should it be “Golden Neanderthals”?

How to Tell that Hillary Clinton Loves Money Above All Else

What Happened 3In a recent HardWired News article (Hillary’s Blame Game – September 8) we opined she was writing her latest and most personally embarrassing book, What Happened, not to exonerate herself, but simply to make money.  But how can we really know if she cares more about money than her reputation?

Well, HardWired News has figured it out.  Here are the…

Top Ten Ways to Know That Hillary Clinton Cares More About Money Than Her Reputation, Public Service, or Just About Anything Else

10  Worked for a law firm that solicited huge legal fees (in which she shared) representinghillary-laughing.jpg people with lucrative business before the state of Arkansas while her husband is governor

9  Accepted EXACTLY $100,000 in options trading (something she never did before or since) profits from a broker who kept “poor” records and was an operative of a large company lobbying for a lucrative bill in the Arkansas legislature, which her husband, the governor, then promptly signed into law

8  Accused of secretly investing in and soliciting loans for the speculative White Waterwhite-water.jpg real estate development scheme in Arkansas that contributed to the defrauding of investors and a failure of a financial institution while she was First Lady and her husband Governor of Arkansas

7  Entered the White House as First Lady in 1992 reportedly “dead broke”, then announced a net worth of over one hundred million dollars following years of service as a senator and secretary of state

Created a massive charity that funds much of her travel, salaries for her minions,  andClinton Global Initiative expands her personal influence, then granted official government access and favors selectively to those who made large (megamillions) donations

5  Leveraged her public service experiences by writing two memoirs (before this recent one) involving huge advances, book tours and millions in royalties, then used the resulting publicity to launch a presidential campaign

4  While Secretary of State, had her husband’s speaking fees from those with business pending before her office doubledHillary & Wall Street

3  Charged her own massive speaking fees for secret addresses to Wall Street bankers outlining her political promises to them, then ran for president with their full financial and political support on a (wink-wink) anti-business platform

2  In contravention of a legal order, deleted 30,000 “personal” emails that could shed light on her questionable financial dealings from the server used for her official government business

And the number one way we can tell if Hillary Clinton cares most about money…

 1  Wrote a humiliating book portraying herself for all of posterity as a delusional, classless crybaby-loser, but makes a load of dough in the process

Fake Newsrooms Stand Ready for Any Developments

CNN Anchor
Missing

Did you notice that over this past holiday weekend, all our favorite news reporters were nowhere to be found?  They were enjoying the long weekend, and putting in the third-string wannabees to take their places.  And on these holiday forays where reporters are AWOL, no news seems to occur except the occasional thing that simply can’t be ignored, like North Korea’s nuclear blast.  Then when the regulars have returned to their desks, the stories flood the airwaves and news pages.  How do they get them ready so quickly?

HardWired News has learned how.  The reporters write various stories for every contingency before they leave Fake News CNN.  Then when they return, they simply air the one that most fits the bill.  Here is a sampling we have uncovered.

CNN:  If we respond militarily to NOKO

TRUMP ATTACKS NORTH KOREA WITHOUT PROVOCATION

Unhinged President Plunges U.S. Needlessly Into War

           If we don’t respond militarily

TRUMPS RUNS FROM NORTH KOREA

Cowardly President Emboldens Enemy, Puts America at Risk

 

VOGUE:  If Melania Trump wears high heels again to visit flood victims

FIRST LADY INSENSITIVE TO SUFFERING FLOOD VICTIMS

High Fashion Visit Is All About HER

                If she wears tennis shoes

MELANIA TRUMP INSULTS HURRICANE SUFFERERS

“Slumming” Attire a Slap in the Face to Victims

 

NY Times:  If Trump halts DACA safe-haven program for juvenile illegal aliens

TRUMP SAVAGES LATINO CHILDREN FOR POLITICAL GAIN

Sacrifices Kids, Families to Appeal to His Racist Base

                    If he continues the DACA program

TRUMP RETREATS FROM KEY CAMPAIGN PLEDGE

Shows His Dishonesty – Will Say Anything to Get Elected

MSNBCAnd on and on and on for every potential eventually.  It’s good to see our hard working, dispassionate, fair, unbiased press (oh, hell…we all know they aren’t) are always ready to bring us the news.  Unfair and unbalanced.

Trump Tweets Go PC

That Donald Trump!  Always putting his foot in his mouth, especially with his Tweets.  Just about everyone including his closest advisors wants him to clean up his act.

Trump wi Tweet Birds CROPPEDSo now El Presidente has hired a former Obama administration PR type to make sure everything he says is politically correct or “PC”, particularly on Twitter.  Below are some of the Tweets the president wrote and the sanitized version of his new correct-speak advisor.

Trum Tweets JPG

Now Donald Trump is sure to improve his presidential image and popularity, and win re-election in 2020.  We can all look forward to Making America Great (er…pretty good) Again!

 

Comments to may.dupnoos@hwn.com

Top Ten Ways of Knowing Trump is a Racist

CNN Anchor
CNN Trump Basher

President Donald Trump was wildly criticized following recent violence in Charlottesville for saying both sides of clashing demonstrators shared blame, and both contained some “good people.”  And after his media-bashing rally in Phoenix Tuesday night, CNN doubled down on the claims.  We followed him closely during the campaign and in the White House.  He never said anything racist and has made public statements, recently and going back many years, condemning racism, white supremacist groups and the like.  He speaks regularly about uniting America and viewing all of its people as equals, while his platform includes rebuilding inner cities and the like.

Yet the left, and particularly the national media, assume as a given that he is racist and courts white supremacists, despite all the contrary evidence.  In the face of this chorus, how can we really know if he is a racist?

Here are the Top Ten Ways to know that Trump is racist based on recent statements from public figures on the left:

10 For the love of God, he’s a WHITE man (Maxine Waters)

Sanders Crazy

9   All billionaire businessmen exploit minorities (Bernie Sanders)

8   He ran on law & order, and we all know who that targets (Al Sharpton)

7   The president wants to stop people from illegally sneaking across the southern border; c’mon (Nancy Pelosi)

6   He colluded with Russia to defeat Clinton; if he’s that unfair, he’s got to be racially unfair (Adam Schiff)

5   Why else would I want him assassinated? (Missouri Sen. Maria Chapelle-Nadal)Schumer talking

4   He’s a Republican president, so I’ve got to say anything to take him down (Chuck Schumer)

3   No person of color has hair like Trump’s, so it must be a fashion statement against minorities (Stephen Colbert)

2   95% of black people voted against him – do they know something? (Rachel Maddow)

Fake News CNN 4

And the Number One Reason we know Trump is a racist…

1   OK, he probably really isn’t, but we hate him so much for calling out our fake news (Jake Tapper)

 

Comments to may.dupnoos@hwn.com

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Trump Slams Fat People

The Daily Echo JPG LOGO COLOR

TRUMP ATTACKS FAT PEOPLE

Calls for Their “Final Elimination”

by Noj Mocsab, Aug. 14, 2017 (NYT/AP)

Speaking to an assembly of supporters in West Virginia over the weekend, Donald Trump disparaged “fat” people, calling them worthless and announcing efforts to identify and eliminate them.

Trump Angry
Fat Hater

“Fat in government will no longer be tolerated,” he told the gathering of cheering supporters who are self-described “Deplorables.”  “It must be identified, weeded out and permanently eliminated.  It has been tolerated too long.”

Democrat Senator and Minority Leader Chuck Schumer noted that there have long been civil servants with all body types, including those with a BMI (body mass index) above the medically recommended ideal.  “We all know what Trump meant,” commented Schumer.  “The persecution and liquidation of heavy-set people in America has long been Donald Trump’s goal.  He is starting with federal employees, but the roundups and executions will not stop there.”

Multiple anonymous officials confirm that Trump is a racist, misogynist, and mean to puppies.  These sources confirm he is planning to call up the National Guard to ferret out fat people.

White House operatives immediately tried to walk the comments back, insisting he was referring to “fat” in the sense of excess government spending, and not in regards to actual people.  “No one’s buying that garbage,” House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said during a press briefing.  “I’m just glad I’m skinny.” (Ed. note: technically she’s not skinny)

California Representative Adam Schiff (@goofyadamschiff) said the comments were one more piece of proof that the president colluded with Russia to steal the election.

Trump spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders insisted these reports were “fake news” designed to denigrate and humiliate the president so his administration could not be effective, and the Democrats will have a better chance of political success in the midterm elections.  “That would be great,” acknowledged Jake Tapper of CNN, “but this is the kind of hard-hitting, factual reporting people expect from us.  These ‘fake’ claims are paranoia.”

 (comments should be directed to maydupnoos@tde.org)

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Trump and Schiff Cross Swords Over Russia

New-York-Times-Logo

SCHIFF-TRUMP BATTLE OVER RUSSIAN COLLUSION

by Noj Mocsab, Aug. 12, 2017 (NYT/AP)

There was a heated exchange in Washington this morning centered around Donald Trump’s alleged (lol) collusion with Russia to steal last year’s election from the rightful winner (i.e. left leaning) Hillary Clinton.

Schiff goofy CroppedCalifornia Representative Adam Schiff, the ranking Democrat on the House committee investigating Trump,  met with reporters to confirm that evidence of Trump’s Russia collusion has reached overwhelming proportions, leading to no doubt of his guilt.

“A single incident may not be telling by itself,” Schiff said to reporters.  “But taken as a totality, the evidence leaves no room for doubt.”

Schiff cited the following facts to support his case:

  • Trump visited Russia once about ten years ago
  • He starred on The Apprentice (Schiff: “not directly related perhaps, but I hated it”)
  • He sat near Putin at a G20 state dinner and was seen chatting with him over desert
  • Some of his relatives or campaign members talked to Russians once
  • Russia was skulking around the Dems’ campaign and even stole some of their emails, I think
  • Russia’s DNC hacking was probably Trump’s fault, even though the Dems gave the Ruskys their passwords and hungup on FBI warnings

“But the most damning thing?” Schiff asked reporters rhetorically.  “Hillary lost to this Bozo.  There’s no other rational explanation but that it was fixed.”

Schiff’s remarks triggered an angry Tweet-storm with President Trump.

Tweet Storm JPG Trump Schiff-1

In a rare showing of bipartisanship, both sides of the aisle agreed Adam Schiff is goofy looking, although there was no consensus on Trump’s collusion with Russia or Schiff’s mama.

The Schiff revelations triggered the appointment of three new special prosecutors and four additional congressional investigations.  We will continue to cover developments in this shocking story.

(Late update: the Ninth Circuit Court has ruled Trump’s Tweets unconstitutional)

Related headline: Dems Demand Independent Investigation of Anonymous Trump J-Walking Allegations

 

Comments to maydupnoos@NYT.org

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How to Know if Trump Colluded with Russia

Russian American FlagsHave you wondered about rumored election collusion between Donald Trump and Russia (HWN: Aug. 5) and how in the world we can know if it’s true?  Well, the HardWired News staff of political and social scientists has been working on the problem.  Here is their Top Ten List of Ways We’ll Know if Trump Colluded with the Russians:

Top Ten Ways to Know if Trump Colluded with Russia

10 Borscht & vodka replace hotdogs and beer at ML baseball games

Cossack dancer Cropped 9 Trump and Putin caught Cossack dancing in the oval office

8 U.S. Army issued Kalashnikov rifles

7 Former Soviet foreign minister Sergey Lavrov named Trump’s White House chief of staff

6 U.S. Constitution is amended to make Russian Orthodox the official U.S. religion

5 Carnegie Hall becomes the formal home of the Bolshoi Ballet

Melania-Trump Cropped
Czarina

4 Official title of the American First Lady changed to “Czarina”

3 In Washington DC approved attire for women at State events includes babushkas and galoshesRussian Dome CROPPED

2 Colorful onion-shaped lúkovichnaya glavá dome added to the top of the Capitol

And the Number One way we can tell if Trump has colluded with the Russians:

1 Sen. Schumer, Rep. Schiff and Rep. Pelosi are sent to an arctic-Alaska work gulag until they publicly confess their crimes against the State