Remember the popular TV comedy series, Seinfeld, where the cast of banal, vacuous characters go about their daily dysfunctional lives to the amusement of viewers? Well, it reminds us a bit of the Trump impeachment hearings. And here’s why.
In one of the episodes, Jerry tries to explain to Elaine the comic book concept of Bizarro World, where everything is opposite what it should be. Jerry explains thus…
Jerry: Yeah, like Bizarro Superman—Superman’s exact opposite, who lives in the backwards Bizarro world. Up is down; down is up. He says “Hello” when he leaves, “Goodbye” when he arrives.
Elaine: Shouldn’t he say “bad bye”? Isn’t that the opposite of goodbye?
Jerry: No, it’s still goodbye.
Elaine: Does he live underwater?
Elaine: Is he black?
Jerry: Look, just forget the whole thing. Alright?
Enter Adam Schiff and his crusade to impeach Donald Trump. In Schiff’s Bizarro World, Trump is guilty until proven innocent. Official transcripts, such as the one of the phone conversation between the president and his Ukrainian counterpart, are not evidence, but speculation and conjecture are. Only the accusers can call witnesses but the defense can’t. Questions are controlled only by the prosecutor. Any claim of innocence on the part of the accused is deemed a desperate attempt to hide obvious guilt.
Consider the implications if an upstanding soul such as this writer were accused by one of my many enemies.
Recall that in the latest impeachment charges, Donald Trump is accused of demanding political favors from a foreign government in exchange for U.S. aid. And this, even though the actual record shows that no aid was withheld, no conditions were overtly attached to the receipt of such aid, and in fact the Trump administration had already drastically increased aid to the Ukraine. And he authorized it far in excess of that granted by any previous administration without favors of any kind in return. Then add in the facts that the president is constitutionally empowered to conduct foreign relations, and there is no law against asking for a favor. And anyway, all he actually asked for is an investigation of corruption, not dirt on an opponent. But all this is of no consequence in Bizarro World. All they have is the naked assumption by those unfriendly to the president that he probably—no DEFINITELY—intended nefarious things because, well…it’s Trump, isn’t it?
As you can see, in Schiff’s Bizarro World, the accused is presumed guilty, there is no right to confront your accuser (the “whistleblower”), there is no right to counsel, and unsubstantiated suppositions by Never-Trumpers about his intentions are conclusive evidence.
I’ll admit though that like Seinfeld, the process is amusing. Although for my money we’d be better served having Jerry, Elaine and Kramer running the inquiry rather than Goofy Adam Schiff. They’re more credible. And with the 2020 elections looming, let not the Democrats forget that Seinfeld is no longer on the air.
You remember Adam Schiff, don’t you? The goofy looking representative from an uber-liberal California district (aren’t they all?). His only claim to fame was insisting he had indisputable evidence of Trump’s collusion with the Russians to throw the 2016 election, and in turn called for his immediate impeachment. Of course, now that the Mueller (the handpicked darling of the Dems) report has exonerated the president of collusion and failed to charge him with anything, Schiff has grown strangely silent, although when pressed he continues to maintain that President Trump really did collude, criminally obstructed the investigation, and should be impeached anyway.
So HardWired News caught up with Schiff for a follow-up interview to see what he has to say now:
HWN: Now that Trump has been exonerated by the Mueller report of collusion, do you think he should still be impeached?
Schiff: Is the Pope Catholic?
HWN: You always said you personally have secret absolute proof of his collusion.
Schiff: I do.
HWN: What is it?
Schiff: I don’t feel like saying right now.
HWN: And what about obstruction of justice claims, for which he was never charged?
Schiff: He did that too.
HWN: Didn’t he simply proclaim his innocence, and talk about taking actions, which he never did, based on frustration over a false charge of which he was cleared?
Schiff: Well…maybe…I just don’t want to talk about that. He should be impeached.
HWN: Didn’t the infamous Spanish Inquisition, during which people were tortured and executed for being alleged heretics, find that people claiming their innocence and objecting to the process deserved the death penalty for simply doing that?
Schiff: But this is Trump.
HWN: What do you say to those who claim that you are the goofiest looking legislator ever?
Schiff: That’s beside the point. And what about Nancy Pelosi?
HWN: Were you bullied in high school? And do you wet the bed? Have you ever had a girlfriend?
Schiff: Trump should be impeached.
For the record, the Honorable Representative Adam Schiff is not a single-issue guy. He also maintains the End of Days is near, he has been abducted by aliens, the world is flat, and Beto O’Rourke will be elected the next president of the United States.
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TRUMP ATTACKS FAT PEOPLE
Calls for Their “Final Elimination”
by Noj Mocsab, Aug. 14, 2017 (NYT/AP)
Speaking to an assembly of supporters in West Virginia over the weekend, Donald Trump disparaged “fat” people, calling them worthless and announcing efforts to identify and eliminate them.
“Fat in government will no longer be tolerated,” he told the gathering of cheering supporters who are self-described “Deplorables.” “It must be identified, weeded out and permanently eliminated. It has been tolerated too long.”
Democrat Senator and Minority Leader Chuck Schumer noted that there have long been civil servants with all body types, including those with a BMI (body mass index) above the medically recommended ideal. “We all know what Trump meant,” commented Schumer. “The persecution and liquidation of heavy-set people in America has long been Donald Trump’s goal. He is starting with federal employees, but the roundups and executions will not stop there.”
Multiple anonymous officials confirm that Trump is a racist, misogynist, and mean to puppies. These sources confirm he is planning to call up the National Guard to ferret out fat people.
White House operatives immediately tried to walk the comments back, insisting he was referring to “fat” in the sense of excess government spending, and not in regards to actual people. “No one’s buying that garbage,” House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said during a press briefing. “I’m just glad I’m skinny.” (Ed. note: technically she’s not skinny)
California Representative Adam Schiff (@goofyadamschiff) said the comments were one more piece of proof that the president colluded with Russia to steal the election.
Trump spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders insisted these reports were “fake news” designed to denigrate and humiliate the president so his administration could not be effective, and the Democrats will have a better chance of political success in the midterm elections. “That would be great,” acknowledged Jake Tapper of CNN, “but this is the kind of hard-hitting, factual reporting people expect from us. These ‘fake’ claims are paranoia.”
(comments should be directed to firstname.lastname@example.org)
SCHIFF-TRUMP BATTLE OVER RUSSIAN COLLUSION
by Noj Mocsab, Aug. 12, 2017 (NYT/AP)
There was a heated exchange in Washington this morning centered around Donald Trump’s alleged (lol) collusion with Russia to steal last year’s election from the rightful winner (i.e. left leaning) Hillary Clinton.
California Representative Adam Schiff, the ranking Democrat on the House committee investigating Trump, met with reporters to confirm that evidence of Trump’s Russia collusion has reached overwhelming proportions, leading to no doubt of his guilt.
“A single incident may not be telling by itself,” Schiff said to reporters. “But taken as a totality, the evidence leaves no room for doubt.”
Schiff cited the following facts to support his case:
“But the most damning thing?” Schiff asked reporters rhetorically. “Hillary lost to this Bozo. There’s no other rational explanation but that it was fixed.”
Schiff’s remarks triggered an angry Tweet-storm with President Trump.
In a rare showing of bipartisanship, both sides of the aisle agreed Adam Schiff is goofy looking, although there was no consensus on Trump’s collusion with Russia or Schiff’s mama.
The Schiff revelations triggered the appointment of three new special prosecutors and four additional congressional investigations. We will continue to cover developments in this shocking story.
(Late update: the Ninth Circuit Court has ruled Trump’s Tweets unconstitutional)
Related headline: Dems Demand Independent Investigation of Anonymous Trump J-Walking Allegations
Comments to maydupnoos@NYT.org