CNN Goes Commando: National Enquirer Style

 

enquirer.jpgYou gotta’ love The National Enquirer, you know—the sleazy tabloid found near grocery checkouts that your mother used to glance at when she thought no one was looking?  It was as nutty as it was outrageous.  Here are a few of their iconic headlines:

 

Supreme Court Justice Scalia—Murdered by a Hooker (May 2016)

DEA Sting! Jeb Bush Snorted Cocaine on Night Dad Became Pres (Feb. 2016)

Rita Hayworth says…”I’m back from the dead: two years a Zombie” (Dec. 1968)

Cosby had Son Murdered (October 2015)

Like your goofy Uncle Barney’s outlandish stories he weaves after a few toddies, the attention-grabbing premises—built on the tiniest grains of truth—are too scurrilous to resist.

CNN Anti Trump

But now the venerable Enquirer has some competition.  In the face of falling ratings, CNN has adopted an Enquirer-like disregard for realism, spinning every story possible with an “ain’t Trump awful” twist to appeal to the side of liberals that desperately wants to believe the silly articles.  Here are a few headlines from or about CNN:

 

“Donald Trump’s 57 Most Outrageous Quotes” (CNN Aug. 2017)

“Donald Trump’s last 7 days are just mind-bogglingly bad” (CNN Sept. 2017)

”CNN Faces Backlash over Doctored Trump Video” (CNBC July 2017)

Fake News CNNThese are just a few recent ones.  And if you think I’m overreacting, scholars at the notoriously liberal Harvard conducted a study of news coverage about Donald Trump.  They found CNN stories about the president were negative 93% of the time, the worst of any outlet studied.  The Washington Examiner (May 2017) said of the study

“..coverage was so negative it is hard to argue it was anywhere near neutral…CNN’s Trump coverage was 93% negative..negative stories outpaced positive by 13-1”

Hey, but maybe you think CNN’s exaggerated anti-Trump spin is just good business.  If so, you’d be wrong.  During the study period, CNN continued to have weak ratings.  According to TVNewser (adweek), a website devoted to covering media developments, CNN was only 8th among cable news programs, while Fox News easily held the Number One spot.

Fake News 8So is there a lesson here?  Maybe it’s if your theory is “sell the sizzle, not the steak” in news coverage, at least make sure there’s a real steak there.  Otherwise, you might just go hungry—at least TV viewer-wise.

2018 JOURNALISM AWARDS ANNOUNCED

Award Show CNN

It’s well known that journalists and their cozy industry organizations fall all over themselves giving each other pointless awards.  Winning them is a big driver for what and how news is covered.  HardWired News has obtained an exclusive preview of the award categories and their standards for the upcoming year.

2018 Journalism Awards

CNN Award for ExcellenceFake News CNN

               best story bashing Trump 

CBS “Ceebies” for Outstanding Reporting

best on-air reporter who only covers Trump stories that can be spun negatively

Broadcast Journalists Organization

 longest consecutive timeline mentioning nothing favorable about Trump or his administration 

Best Fantasy Journalism Awards

 for the reporters who publish the best and/or most unsubstantiated and baseless stories about Trump and Russian collusion, because they so desperately want it to be true (1st, 2nd, 3rd…100th prizes) 

National Organization for Women: Courage in Feminism Writing Award

best articles bashing Melania and Ivanka Trump or their children, and pretending to be pro-women 

Television Late-Night Comedy Patriotism TrophyColbert Cropped

most foul names, crude jokes, and offensive skits about POTUS 

The Pullitzer Prize for Journalistic Excellence

               no standards, just best Trump bashing 

The field is large, the competition fierce.  I can’t wait to see the gala award shows on TV!

Fake Newsrooms Stand Ready for Any Developments

CNN Anchor
Missing

Did you notice that over this past holiday weekend, all our favorite news reporters were nowhere to be found?  They were enjoying the long weekend, and putting in the third-string wannabees to take their places.  And on these holiday forays where reporters are AWOL, no news seems to occur except the occasional thing that simply can’t be ignored, like North Korea’s nuclear blast.  Then when the regulars have returned to their desks, the stories flood the airwaves and news pages.  How do they get them ready so quickly?

HardWired News has learned how.  The reporters write various stories for every contingency before they leave Fake News CNN.  Then when they return, they simply air the one that most fits the bill.  Here is a sampling we have uncovered.

CNN:  If we respond militarily to NOKO

TRUMP ATTACKS NORTH KOREA WITHOUT PROVOCATION

Unhinged President Plunges U.S. Needlessly Into War

           If we don’t respond militarily

TRUMPS RUNS FROM NORTH KOREA

Cowardly President Emboldens Enemy, Puts America at Risk

 

VOGUE:  If Melania Trump wears high heels again to visit flood victims

FIRST LADY INSENSITIVE TO SUFFERING FLOOD VICTIMS

High Fashion Visit Is All About HER

                If she wears tennis shoes

MELANIA TRUMP INSULTS HURRICANE SUFFERERS

“Slumming” Attire a Slap in the Face to Victims

 

NY Times:  If Trump halts DACA safe-haven program for juvenile illegal aliens

TRUMP SAVAGES LATINO CHILDREN FOR POLITICAL GAIN

Sacrifices Kids, Families to Appeal to His Racist Base

                    If he continues the DACA program

TRUMP RETREATS FROM KEY CAMPAIGN PLEDGE

Shows His Dishonesty – Will Say Anything to Get Elected

MSNBCAnd on and on and on for every potential eventually.  It’s good to see our hard working, dispassionate, fair, unbiased press (oh, hell…we all know they aren’t) are always ready to bring us the news.  Unfair and unbalanced.

Why Journalists Bash Trump Now Revealed!

jake-tapper-halpert-face-1476904566-compressedEveryone realizes that most journalists routinely denigrate President Donald Trump, negatively spinning everything from handshakes with foreign leaders to his business dealings, while ignoring or trashing his accomplishments.

Polls

Well, The Gallop Polls organization recently conducted an extensive, scientifically sound survey of mainstream journalists regarding their reporting on Donald Trump.  These are the top ten reasons they gave for the tone of their coverage of him:

 

 

Top Ten Reasons Journalists Bash Trump

10 It feels so good

9  Increases ratings

8  He’s probably doing bad things, even if I can’t prove it

7  If I don’t stand up to this moron, who’s going to

6  Win awards from other biased journalism organizations

5  Be perceived as courageous

4  People who don’t believe as I do are evil, especially Trump

3  It’s no fun pretending to be unbiased anymore – let it all hang out!

2  Getting even for his Tweets about Fake News

And the Number One Reason journalists bash Trump:

1  I’m just so really, really pissed he won

Thank goodness we FINALLY have a rational explanation for our mainstream news coverage!