The Future According To HardWired News

HardWired News Figures Out the Future

Do you remember the future prognosticators of the past, predicting how things would be now in the 21stCentury?  We would all be going to work in hover cars, antigravity machines would be a thing, vacations in outer space, colonies on Mars, no cancer, robots to do our housework.  How about this one: the biggest climate change threat was a new ice age.  I’m sure you remember a list of your own.

Of course, none of that nonsense came true, mostly because change happens in quantum leaps, not in a linear fashion.  But now things are different.  Our team of scientists, statisticians, and sociologists here at HardWired News have harnessed the power of our global network of supercomputers to definitively determine how things will be in the next, the 22nd Century.  Here are the Top Ten Things that will happen:

TOP TEN CHANGES IN THE NEXT CENTURY

10 Led by Nancy Pelosi and Mitch McConnel, Democrats and Republicans will begin to interbreed, but the offspring, like mules, will be unable to reproduce naturally

9 Coal and oil will no longer be used by fiat, not depletion of the resources

8 The earth will be cold, airless and dead with all sunlight and circulation absorbed by solar panels and windmills, which still will not work as planned

7 Civilization will not migrate to the moon and Mars since there is no place to rage on spring break there

 6 In Communist China all Wokesters will be sent to reeducation (e.g. torture) camps where they will be forced, for the first time, to admit they were wrong and apologize

5 The Black Lives Matter movement will actually help an actual black person for the first time

 4 Legions of highly paid elected officials will still, as their sole job, argue over whether Trump colluded with Russia

 3 People will again know what gender they are without the liberal establishment obsessing over it

2 The government will give free s**t of every kind to everyone, who, having no need to work to get it, will result in nothing being produced and everyone actually having nothing at all

And the Number One change in the 22nd Century:

1            The world population collapses as people choose to kill themselves rather than live in a liberal run world

…and since based on a 1950s prediction everyone will live to be 200, we’ll see you there!

(Next time: which stocks will go up the most by 2100)