Top Ten Things Trump Will Do if California Secedes

Calexit 3

Maybe it’s sadly just human nature to dislike people “different” from us.  Remember the 90s, when the Hutu tribal people of Rwanda slaughtered a million Tutsi people because…well, they weren’t Hutus?  Or the Serbs’ war on Bosnians.  How about book burning in Nazi Germany, where not only people but ideas were rounded up and destroyed, in the pursuit of a purified Aryan nation.

Like you, I’d prefer to believe civilized societies have progressed beyond that kind of vitriolic idiocy.  America, after all, is a mixing pot, a nation of free speech and ideas where differences are not only tolerated but embraced.  Peace, love, kindness and tolerance, the mantra arguably of the progressive left.

Only…not in uberliberal California, the land of plenty where dudes and dudettes can “chill” year-’round in the warm sunshine and invigorating ocean spray.  Where self indulgence, materialism and instant gratification have been elevated to the status of religion.  At the University of California at Berkeley, people with different ideas—political conservatives invited to the campus to speak—are met not with dissent, but with mace, clubs, and fiery riots.  “Keep the haters out!” they scream, backing it up with sticks and stones, the sole reason apparently because the conservatives, the “haters”, simply don’t think like them.  All done in the name of peace, tolerance, inclusiveness and love.

Of course we all know conservatives—Reagan, Bush, Eisenhower—aren’t haters.  They simply see a different path to national well being than do the liberals.  But like the Hutus, Nazis and Serbs of yesterday, Californians don’t see it that way.  And now our West Coast cousins have had a bellyful of us all.  A move is underfoot in California to secede from the Union, from the United States of America.  It’s called Calexit, a clumsy takeoff of “Brexit” where Britain voted to leave the European Union.  Now many of us would say “so what,” no harm—no foul.  Don’t let the door hit you in the rear on your way out.  In fact, an ingenious man has now started a business to help conservatives escape from La-La Land and relocate in sane and safe Texas.

But President Trump, always a step ahead, has developed a strategy for dealing with Calexit.  And here are his Top Ten strategies if California secedes:

Calexit

It’s great to know America is prepared for any eventuality!

Why Journalists Bash Trump Now Revealed!

jake-tapper-halpert-face-1476904566-compressedEveryone realizes that most journalists routinely denigrate President Donald Trump, negatively spinning everything from handshakes with foreign leaders to his business dealings, while ignoring or trashing his accomplishments.

Polls

Well, The Gallop Polls organization recently conducted an extensive, scientifically sound survey of mainstream journalists regarding their reporting on Donald Trump.  These are the top ten reasons they gave for the tone of their coverage of him:

 

 

Top Ten Reasons Journalists Bash Trump

10 It feels so good

9  Increases ratings

8  He’s probably doing bad things, even if I can’t prove it

7  If I don’t stand up to this moron, who’s going to

6  Win awards from other biased journalism organizations

5  Be perceived as courageous

4  People who don’t believe as I do are evil, especially Trump

3  It’s no fun pretending to be unbiased anymore – let it all hang out!

2  Getting even for his Tweets about Fake News

And the Number One Reason journalists bash Trump:

1  I’m just so really, really pissed he won

Thank goodness we FINALLY have a rational explanation for our mainstream news coverage!

Hillary Clinton’s Top Ten Reasons for Losing the Election

crazy-hillaryRemember when Hillary Clinton was going around giving speeches and appearing on TV, telling everyone why she lost and who was to blame (certainly not HER).  Well, Hardwired News research department has analyzed all of her public statements and identified the top ten reasons Hillary Clinton gave for losing the election.  Here you go:

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Top Ten Reasons Hillary Actually Gave for Losing the Election: 

10 The Russians were supposed to help ME, dammit 

9  That pink pantsuit made my a** look fat 

8  Bill’s drooling, stammering and slack-jawed leering on the trail were a distraction (should have divorced him 20 years ago) 

7  The polls were wrong, at least the ones I believed 

6  Staff forgot to tell me I had to appeal to actual mainstream voters 

5  Too tired from fundraisers to campaign in swing states 

4  Federal Election Commission unfairly and illegally allowed my lifetime of lying, scamming, and money grubbing to be used against me

3  Vote rigging was botched allowing actual election returns to be used 

2  Did I mention the outrageous persecution over my secret server and illegally deleted e-mails 

And the Number One Reason why Hillary Clinton lost the election:

1  Okay, okay—voters actually preferred whacky Donald Trump to me

At last we know what the heck really went wrong!