Exclusive Interview: Goofy Adam Schiff

 

Schiff goofy CroppedYou remember Adam Schiff, don’t you?  The goofy looking representative from an uber-liberal California district (aren’t they all?).  His only claim to fame was insisting he had indisputable evidence of Trump’s collusion with the Russians to throw the 2016 election, and in turn called for his immediate impeachment.  Of course, now that the Mueller (the handpicked darling of the Dems) report has exonerated the president of collusion and failed to charge him with anything, Schiff has grown strangely silent, although when pressed he continues to maintain that President Trump really did collude, criminally obstructed the investigation, and should be impeached anyway.

So HardWired News caught up with Schiff for a follow-up interview to see what he has to say now:

HWN:    Now that Trump has been exonerated by the Mueller report of collusion, do you think he should still be impeached?

Schiff:    Is the Pope Catholic?

HWN:    You always said you personally have secret absolute proof of his collusion.

Schiff:    I do.

HWN:    What is it?

Schiff:    I don’t feel like saying right now.

HWN:    And what about obstruction of justice claims, for which he was never charged?

Schiff:    He did that too.

HWN:    Didn’t he simply proclaim his innocence, and talk about taking actions, which he never did, based on frustration over a false charge of which he was cleared?

Schiff:    Well…maybe…I just don’t want to talk about that.  He should be impeached.

HWN:    Didn’t the infamous Spanish Inquisition, during which people were tortured and executed for being alleged heretics, find that people claiming their innocence and objecting to the process deserved the death penalty for simply doing that? 

Schiff:    But this is Trump.

HWN:    What do you say to those who claim that you are the goofiest looking legislator ever?

Schiff:    That’s beside the point.  And what about Nancy Pelosi?

HWN:    Were you bullied in high school?  And do you wet the bed?  Have you ever had a girlfriend?

Schiff:    Trump should be impeached.

Schiff Cartoon 7-10-19

For the record, the Honorable Representative Adam Schiff is not a single-issue guy.  He also maintains the End of Days is near, he has been abducted by aliens, the world is flat, and Beto O’Rourke will be elected the next president of the United States.

For more information, go to:

www.thisisamadeupstory.com

New Technology Leads to Identification of THE DEVIL

Flip Wilson 2
“The Devil Made Me Do It”

The Devil is well documented in human history.  He (some believe SHE) is mentioned numerous times in The Bible.  The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines him (or is it her?) as “the personal supreme spirit of evil”.  And you remember the television icon of the 60s and 70s, Flip Wilson, who personally testified to The Devil’s interference in his life.  He, of course, would never lie.  There is other irrefutable evidence as well.  Yes, the Devil is REAL and we know who he is.

 

HardWired News has now accessed amazing new technology that allows us to physically identify the actual Devil.  Our scientists have recently perfected a Spiritually Induced Quantum Field Fluctuation Detector (SIQFFD or “sig-fuh-fid” for short).  This innovation scans quantum field disturbances around a person caused by their spiritual self, otherwise invisible to the eye.  Our researches have scanned millions of conventional images with the new technology, and have positively identified the individual who, despite all appearances to the contrary, is actually the Devil.

Kavanaugh - Devil

 

As any observer can see, the Devil is actually Judge Brett Kavanaugh!  If the actual sig-fuh-fid scan is not enough, consider the following shocking facts about dirty-rotten Kavanaugh:

  • Drank beer in high school and college
  • Threw ice at a guy in a bar once
  • Took sides in a quarrel between roommates.
  • Can’t prove he didn’t assault someone at a teen beer party

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, the last one was denied by the Devil, can’t be corroborated by anyone including the people the complaining woman said were there; was flat-out denied under oath by a third party that the complaining woman said was a witness; was made by a democrat ideologue at the very end of a nomination process where Kavanaugh (did we mention he’s Republican?) was about to be recommended for the Supreme Court; wasn’t discovered in seven FBI background checks; and wasn’t brought up years before when he was overwhelmingly confirmed to the most important Federal appellate court in the country.  But, hey, if any one of those charges is true (especially drinking beer – who does that?!), it should be enough to disqualify him from public office and prove he is the Devil.  And we have plenty of other evidence of his evil: we just don’t want to talk about it right now.

Yes, the evidence is clear; Brett Kavanaugh is the Devil.  Now go out and protest or something.

HardWired News Takes a Hiatus

To every thing there is a season

and a time to every purpose under the heaven

                                                       …The Holy Bible

 

Circuit Board rose HW cropped
If it’s HardWired it must be RIGHT

Have you enjoyed HardWired News?  Hundreds of others have with many thousands of visits to our website to read our quirky articles during the three months since we started it.

We admit we’re right-leaning.  And we’re unconventional.  Our style is not to rant or rave about political issues, but to inform through humor, satire, or parody.  We’ve presented our beloved readers with faux New York Times articles lampooning the way they weaveNew-York-Times-Logo ideology into “news” reporting.  Then there were the put-ons of the pomposity of figures like Hillary Clinton or the inescapable bigotry of the liberals.  Remember the time we announced the Dr Evilspread of the deadly disease “Liberalitis,” or the fact that the ultimate victimizer and Austin Powers’ nemesis, Dr. Evil, had been identified and located on a mountaintop in Nevada?  We had as good a laugh writing it as hopefully you did reading it.

It’s mostly done with tongue-in-cheek with the intent of creating a smile in our divided world, while still making valid points to help more people understand and reflect upon the nuisances of the issues of the day.

But, as the lead-in Bible quote to this article suggests, there is a time and place for HWN Logo MaleRock Guitarist CROPPEDeverything and ours is drawing to an end, at least on a regular basis.  We approached this project as a short-term beta test to judge its appeal and gauge reader reaction.  Those goals have been accomplished.  We’ve attracted many hundreds of fans on the main website and our Facebook page, and have garnered a robust and loyal readership.  But it’s hard to overstate the time and effort involved in creating the regular stream of quality content many of you have come to enjoy, and so many of our points have now been made.

Goodbye baby FinalSo, for now, we are taking a hiatus and moving on to other projects, at least for a time.  You may still see the very occasional piece here when something really rings our bell, but the three-to-four articles weekly will sadly stop for the time being.

Thank you for reading, enjoying (some liberals gave us bloody hell), and commenting on HardWired News.  The site will still be here, and you can always contact us through the About page.  For now, know that we deeply value your loyal readership, and wish you a bittersweet Adieu until we meet again.

John Petersburg Harbor cropped
Goodbye for now

PC Term of the Day: “PRONOUN MISHAP”

Girl petulent
Perpetrator

In California (where else?), a first grade girl was called to the principal’s office for grilling and potential discipline (which she dodged in the end) for calling another child by his (or newly “her”) given first name.  It seems the second child had been a “boy” the prior year, and was “transitioning” to a girl in a gender switch.  The naughty little first grader called the gender-mobile child by the male name she had known him (now “her”) by for the prior years.  The offending girl was investigated for gender bullying and eventually cleared when the “pronoun mishap,” a term coined by the school, was found to be unintentional (WHEW! – close one).

I have absolutely nothing against transgender people, although I confess to finding it profoundly odd.  And I have sympathy for the discomfort they must experience in the process of changing genders.  I likewise have no patience for bullying people who are different from the majority, be it because of race, religion, disabilities, sexual orientation or any other status that can be used to arbitrarily define people.

But bending over backward to invent verbal offenses and to make differently appearing or abled persons permanent victims meriting extraordinary deference is preposterous.

Political Correctness has invaded our language.  Here is a quick guide, taken from several sources, to nasty words or phrases according to the PC police.

Offensive TermExplanation JPG I suppose taken to its logical conclusion, a person (male identification) must become a gender neutral perper, a woman (here we go again, male reference) should be a woperper, more simply a woper, or perhaps ideally a wowo.  Then again a human would have to be a huper or arguably a huperper.  And lest we forget, a female becomes a feperper or fewowo, while a wife (demeaning connotation) is a wowospouse.  But then must a manhole cover become perperhole cover or maybe even a huperhole cover?  But wait!  Is hole politically correct?  We must move to a huperperspace cover!  What’s a fellow (er…nonwowoperper) to do?  I’m getting more confused by the second.  It’s going to be dang difficult to learn this new language to keep the Political Correctness Police at bay!