University of California to Invest in Bayonet Training Center

New-York-Times-LogoUC Berkeley To Build “Resist” Training Center

Combination Federal/State Funds For Bayonet Facility

by Noj Mocsab, August 1, 2017 (NYT/AP).

The chancellor of the University of California at Berkeley announced today that a new bayonet training facility will be built on the main campus central quadrangle.  The realistic simulation environment will include target “crash” type dummies like those used for testing cars, with images of prominent conservative and especially pro-Trump figures applied to their faces.  Students and participating faculty will walk through an enclosed course where the targets pop up randomly.  They are then to be bayoneted, upon which the participant will proceed to the next station and stab another conservative dummy.

UC Berkley riots 2
Peace & Kindness Rally

Recent Berkeley campus visits by conservative speakers or other advocates have been met with mace, beatings, punches and stun grenades.  “We will not allow these conservative haters to use our campus as a platform for their repugnant ideas,” said an anonymous student leader of the campus Tolerance & Kindness Movement.  “We insist on kindness, tolerance, and love according to our definition, or we’ll beat your head in,” she added.

Bayonette dummies
UC Berkeley Student Training

“The University takes pride in its record of activism in promoting peace, kindness, and tolerance,” said Chancellor Marion Joyless.  She described the new bayoneting facility as a moderate first-step approach to training for enlightened activists.  “Some thought we should capture actual conservatives in raids on backwater holdout counties such as Colusa or Kern that voted Trump and bring back live targets for use in training,” Joyless said.  “While it would admittedly be more fun and draw more participation, I think the use of simulated conservatives, the dummies, is a more realistic start.”

The Trump administration’s efforts to block the use of federal funds for the bayonet training center have been ruled unconstitutional by the Ninth Circuit Court.  Work is expected to be completed by the fall term.

 

 (comments should be directed to maydupnoos@nyt.org)

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Top Ten Things Trump Will Do if California Secedes

Calexit 3

Maybe it’s sadly just human nature to dislike people “different” from us.  Remember the 90s, when the Hutu tribal people of Rwanda slaughtered a million Tutsi people because…well, they weren’t Hutus?  Or the Serbs’ war on Bosnians.  How about book burning in Nazi Germany, where not only people but ideas were rounded up and destroyed, in the pursuit of a purified Aryan nation.

Like you, I’d prefer to believe civilized societies have progressed beyond that kind of vitriolic idiocy.  America, after all, is a mixing pot, a nation of free speech and ideas where differences are not only tolerated but embraced.  Peace, love, kindness and tolerance, the mantra arguably of the progressive left.

Only…not in uberliberal California, the land of plenty where dudes and dudettes can “chill” year-’round in the warm sunshine and invigorating ocean spray.  Where self indulgence, materialism and instant gratification have been elevated to the status of religion.  At the University of California at Berkeley, people with different ideas—political conservatives invited to the campus to speak—are met not with dissent, but with mace, clubs, and fiery riots.  “Keep the haters out!” they scream, backing it up with sticks and stones, the sole reason apparently because the conservatives, the “haters”, simply don’t think like them.  All done in the name of peace, tolerance, inclusiveness and love.

Of course we all know conservatives—Reagan, Bush, Eisenhower—aren’t haters.  They simply see a different path to national well being than do the liberals.  But like the Hutus, Nazis and Serbs of yesterday, Californians don’t see it that way.  And now our West Coast cousins have had a bellyful of us all.  A move is underfoot in California to secede from the Union, from the United States of America.  It’s called Calexit, a clumsy takeoff of “Brexit” where Britain voted to leave the European Union.  Now many of us would say “so what,” no harm—no foul.  Don’t let the door hit you in the rear on your way out.  In fact, an ingenious man has now started a business to help conservatives escape from La-La Land and relocate in sane and safe Texas.

But President Trump, always a step ahead, has developed a strategy for dealing with Calexit.  And here are his Top Ten strategies if California secedes:

Calexit

It’s great to know America is prepared for any eventuality!